I had the opportunity to answer a few questions by an Australian couple, wherein I was able to share my swinging lifestyle experience.
Q: For those of you who don’t know, how would you explain what swinging is?
A: When people think of the term ‘swinging’ they think of 1970’s keys in a bowl, wife swapping play parties. This term is seriously outdated and whilst there still are a subset of swingers who engage in this way there is a new type of swinging couples and singles emerging. We classify ourselves as socio-sexual, this means that we engage in the lifestyle with ‘pants on and off friends’ who are both intellectually and physically attractive. Swinging is a large spectrum and everyone’s experiences and drive/wants are different, it’s important to understand your own style and the style of your potential play friends to ensure everyone is compatible in their wants.
Q: Why do they call swinging “the lifestyle”?
A: The term swinging is becoming less popular as people’s sexual experience and sexual desires change, the term lifestyle is simply a replacement term for swinging and something that is more broad. People in the lifestyle don’t necessarily “wife swap” they may engage in soft swap play, visit sexy parties, attend lifestyle or clothing optional events but may never actually full swap partners. The term lifestyle (we believes) allows for all kinds of sexually open people to engage, everyone from hot-wifing through to polyamorous couples, a term that means accepting of who you are or who you want to be.
Q: Is swinging the same thing as being in an open relationship?
A: Again this is another terminology question and you will get different responses from different people depending on their take. The term open relationship was historically used to express a relationship that didn’t require couples to engage together; it could mean that each person could seek out sexual relationships with others on their own and not necessarily with or at the agreement of their partner. We, however, use the term in the sense that we are open in our communication and we are in the lifestyle together, we make decisions and agree on what kind of sexual play we will engage with and with whom.
Q: What motivated you to become swingers?
A: We were together for 5 years and started talking about sexual fantasies, it became evident that I (C, the female) couldn’t express what my fantasies were and I really had no idea where to start. We started by watching porn and exploring what sexual exploration existed and this lead us to ‘swinging’ from there we researched and discussed more and decided to visit a lifestyle couples only club in Sydney, Australia. We’ve had our ups and downs since then, however, we have not looked back since, we truly feel part of a great community and have never been closer in our (now) marriage.
Q: Is the swinging community welcoming?
A: Lots of people think swinging is about the sex (and it is, in part) what most people tend to find is that there are some awesome unknown things that come along and one of those is the swinging community. We believe that pants on and off friendships tend to build quicker and stronger than “vanilla” ones purely because nothing is taboo. Imagine the last time you openly sat around a table talking about everything from your career, fears, and finances and how your wife is really into anal sex? Our community which is now global has helped us through some really hard times in the past 12 months, we love and value each of our lifestyle friends for who they are and would absolutely help them if they needed us.
Q: Are swingers sexually adventurous in ways besides simply having different partners or is changing partners the extent of swinging?
A: Again this is about the sexual spectrum, in the lifestyle, you will find everything from heterosexual soft swap couples right through to openly bisexual couples and singles. Lots of people wonder if couples use swinging as a way to ‘spice up boring sex at home’ and in some couples that might be true however in our experience, we have found that the bulk of people just want to explore new things in life and this is just something new to explore. Since joining the lifestyle we have both personally become more adventurous with our sex toy collection, trying new things like some light bondage and engaging in sex in an open area.
Q: Will you describe how swinging has affected your relationship?
A: Swinging has definitely been an addition to our life, not just in our ability to communicate better but also in our ability to understand ourselves better. We have made great friendships and have enjoyed some really sexy fun time along the way.
Q: What is the most negative experience you’ve had with swinging?
A: The one negative we have had with swinging is when people who try to engage in the lifestyle are doing it for negative reasons, examples may be a couple entering who’s partner is forcing them to engage or to a ‘single’ who is actually in a relationship but cheating on their partner. Nothing has affected our relationship negatively since joining.
Q: What is the most positive experience you’ve had with swinging?
A: Open communication and building self-confidence, when we joined the lifestyle I (C, the female) was a jealous person because I lacked confidence and this maybe feel like I wasn’t good enough. Since joining the lifestyle and talking about these issues with my partner I’m now able to see myself the way that others do. Well, there is this and of course the lifestyle, resort, hotel takeovers and amazing parties! J
Q: Do you have any advice for people considering the lifestyle
A: Yes, I would always say to anyone considering the lifestyle that it’s important to know what is motivating you, truly understand yourself and your intentions before talking to your partner. A well-articulated and thought out reasons will help to communicate to your partner without hurt feelings. Also, we would also tell people to research, think about any concerns they have before entering, what they might want to achieve together, what boundaries or limits they have and then make your way to a dating site or lifestyle club.